Nine Things that Caused Me to Believe I Have Enough Free Time to Blog
(because 10 would have been predictable...also, I ran out of ideas)
1.) I am caught up on Dexter and don't think I have the energy or passion to devote myself to a new television series (Lost seems like it could ruin my life).
2.) I have started referring to my dog as a "little gentleman" and to myself as "Mommy"
3.) I spent an entire month looking at online photos of Robert Pattinson from Twilight. I also sorta, kinda, found the time to read the entire book series in one week. In my defense, I was going through a terrible breakup at the time and my judgement was.....okay fine...no excuses...I loved it. Feel free to judge.
4.) I read Us Weekly...weekly.
5.) All of my close friends are married, engaged, almost engaged, or having babies....and I, may or may not, have a minor panic when I think there is a possibility that I will have to talk to a child. I was at a dog park recently where a lad of about seven or so struck up a conversation with me about my three-legged dog. He asked where Tyson was from, to which I responded "New York." He replied (with a hint of annoyance, I may add), " the city or the state?" Because I never speak to children, I immediately assumed this was some kind of child genius. I was just about to speak with his mother about finding him an agent in order to get him on some talk shows (because what else would you do with a smart child?) when someone reminded me that most seven-year olds can read and his question was based upon fairly average logic. I feigned understanding, but spent the next 10 minutes trying to decide what random historical knowledge I should have the child start memorizing for his visit to the Today show.
6.) I clap and yell out loud at episodes of So You Think You Can Dance. I even started crying once when the judges were forced to choose between two tap-dancing brothers. They kicked off the bald one who was blatantly better. I can tell because I did some pretty intense choreography my Junior year of high school in our production of Guys and Dolls.
7.) I recently bought something at Wet Seal. The eighth-grader that rang me up gave me a look that just said, "Really?"
8.) Ever since I have moved back from New York, I have started most of my stories with, "Once when I was living in New York..." So obnoxious, but it's like a terrible, terrible disease that I can't defeat...
Stay tuned for my next installment, "Eight Reasons You Should Give a Shit that I Have a Blog"
